I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
