i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
