i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
