Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
