I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
