So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
