no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
