U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
