I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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