He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
