she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
