like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
