you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
