I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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