then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
