I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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