Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
