my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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