she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am mentally ready for anal.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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