There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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