I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
