Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
