3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
