eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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