No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize