Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
