last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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