Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
