Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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