i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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