Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
