well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
