He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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