Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
