Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
