So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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