While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
