Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Who died my cat blue again?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
