Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think your dad took our porno
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
