i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
