Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
