I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
