idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
