3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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