If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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