I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
