I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
