thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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