At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
