I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
