Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
