That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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