There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Bring me that man meat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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