I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize