We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
