Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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