Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
