So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
