Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
