You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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