trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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