I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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