I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
