Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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