I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
