I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
