A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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