Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
