Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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