If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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