I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
