working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
