I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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