so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
