Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
