my phone needs a breathalizer
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
