Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
