Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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