Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
