It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
