just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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