wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
