I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize