Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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