She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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