I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
