I wish I could teleport
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
